The Coach James chronicles.

by jamesjohnson92

Things kids do have been the basis for lots of things over the years. Television shows, song choruses, books, parent’s Facebook statuses and probably more than just a handful of court cases. That’s because life through a child’s eyes is an epic adventure. Their imagination is limitless. They can do, be, say or see anything that they feel like. There is no such thing as a boundary. If you don’t believe me, ask a four year old what they think about your hair – You’ll get the most honest answer you’ve ever heard.


Being around children can teach you a lot about life. How to not take things too seriously. That If you fall, it’s pretty easy to get back up again. Fart jokes are actually pretty funny. And the fact that you can actually do anything you think you can (Ask a group of 3 year olds who can draw, and every single one of them will put their hands up – and argue over who is the best. Ask a group of 30 year olds, you might get one hand at a push.). Mostly, you’ll learn that kids actually do say the funniest, craziest and sometimes most crushing things. They’re an endless source of entertainment.

Today I’m going to share with you something I’m going to call the ‘Coach James Chronicles’. This is basically an assortment of quotes and put-downs I’ve had from the children that I’ve coached so far. Every time a kid asks me something it starts with a high pitched ‘Coach James…’ and then is usually followed by asking for the bathroom. Sometimes though it’s followed by absolute comic gold. Something no adult could ever make up on the spot, and is beyond most rational thought.

Welcome to a day in the life of Coach James…

The Coach James Chronicles

‘Coach James, sometimes I pretend my shoes are space ships. Zoooooooooooom.’ (You can follow this with them proceeding to do 3 laps of the square)

‘Coach James, did you know I can speak parrot? SQUUUUUUARK. That means I love you.’

‘Coach James, sometimes I wear my shoes on my hands just for fun’

‘Coach James, this one time I ate a pickle and I nearly bit my thumb off’

‘Coach James, I can fit three toes in my mouth at the same time’

‘Coach James, I did three cartwheels once and threw up on my dog’

‘Coach James, did you know that people in England eat 80 million chickens every day?’

‘Coach James,

‘Who’s your favourite coach?’
‘You are.’
‘Is that because I’m funny, smart and handsome?’
‘No. It’s because you bounce me on the trampoline.’
‘So, would you like me if I didn’t bounce you on the trampoline?’
‘Probably not.’

‘James, you dress funny’
‘Why’s that?’
‘You don’t suit those Jeans’
‘What would I suit?’
‘Yellow shoes’

Kids, eh?